#252: One Hit (To The Body)

February 12, 2011

To use a popular expression more commonly associated with Ice Hockey; I went to the fights last night and a game of soccer broke out (and if you think that joke is old and tired, then have you seen Ben Elton lately? Hey, Ben, 1986 called - it wants it's joke back mate). It was a balmy night, cooler than it has been for a while, so we decided to wander down to Adelaide Oval and catch the Adelaide United vs Melbourne Victory game. We were fairly pumped for it, with the only thing to spoil our evening before we wandered in was the absence of Victory captain, and all around thug sniper, Kevin "Bastard' Muscat. A dirtier player you may never want to find, although he is the darling of the Victory fans, and going on their behaviour last night, well, I'm not surprised that they laud him as some kind of a footballing God. Still we did get some cheap, early chuckles in as we spied a Weslo man who looked suspiciously like Ivan Milat, so we were watching him with keenness when the trouble started in case he controlled the crowd like a Milat as well. He didn't.

The game, well it was good, but the crowd scenes were far more interesting and during the second half more people were watching the fights and dodging flying food and drink than were watching the game. As is the wont with such games the opposition supporters are afforded their own viewing area, and most of the supporters piled in, loaded up on the beer, got pissed and silly and began to "Fuck United" before kick off. Always a good move at an away game. The first goal of the night saw the first flare of the night, but it was the second goal, scored by the Victory, that saw things take another step up. The Victory supporters really found their collective voices and before too long pies, bottles (full, half full and empty - take your pick), bottle tops, flares, boxes of lit matches, chips, nachos, vibrators, clothing, toilet seats, butter chicken, naan bread and other assorted items began to rain down over the Victory fans - but trust me, they gave it back just as hard. I grabbed a baseball bat and went looking for Richard Stubbs but sadly he either wasn't there or had gone to ground the minute the funny stuff happened, as is his wont, so it was back to my seat for me.

Ivan Milat on day release

The cops and the neckless Weslo men then moved in and began to herd the Victory fans back to create a better buffer, but this merely resulted in Victory fans picking fights with them instead of the United fans which led to quite a few of them being ejected. Thankfully Adelaide scored the last goal of the night and won, two nil, so the Victory fans would have to be content with their loss, both on and off the playing field and the United fans could celebrate a much needed win over the old enemy.

I'm not a huge fan of soccer violence, (an ironic statement as my entire family featured in one of the best soccer riots ever seen in 'Lizbef back in the early 1980s) but from where I sat, and feel free to call me biased, I'm sure I know who started it. After all I didn't see any Adelaide United scarves with the message "Fuck Off" on the rear...but a fun night was had by most.

Adelaide supporters - the 1st flare

The 2nd flare - bounced over the heads of the Melbourne supporters and into the arms of the terrified Weslo staff

Melbourne supporters aiding the police in their inquiries by smacking their hats off and thus solving the riddle of who threw the first, second, third and fifth punches..

Another flare, this one reached the Melbourne supporters, but as it bounced off a few heads soaked with beer and pies, it did no lasting damage.

Yes, the great "Fuck Off" scarfs...and they wonder why nobody likes them?

That baldy headed prick wearing the blue wife-beater down the bottom seemed very agitated all evening and ultimately he kept bending over as he clearly wanted someone to bum him. Bum sex might be the norm at Melbourne games matey, but we don't go in for that kind of stuff here in public. I hope someone directed him to the University Footbridge or Veale Gardens so he could get his fix..